I came across this little beauty at the start of my walk tonight. It was laying on the ground and made me smile at how beautiful it was. It reminded me of me.
A few months back, I moved house and took myself to a local park to lay under a tree, re-ground and energise myself. It didn’t feel reviving, in fact I felt quite agitated at the time and unable to settle and just be.
Then I looked up into the tree above me and noticed that all of the leaves looked a lot like this one. Only they were all still hanging onto that tree. They made me feel sad; I saw myself in those leaves.
I realised that my boundaries at the time were a lot like that tree and its leaves. It had the appearance of vitality but on closer look there were holes everywhere. I was so tired all the time, I was allowing energy to seep out everywhere and not creating space and opportunity to prioritise and energise my soul or actually contain energy for myself. Instead I’d been giving it all away and feeling like a bit of a victim of my circumstances. I hadn’t been taking charge of what I wanted or for that matter, making my physical and emotional needs enough of a priority in my own life.
This has been a recurring pattern for me. And each time I’ve made better choices to look after myself and my needs, my energy and vibrancy has improved. Recognising the gap yet again was pretty sh#tty, I’m not going to lie. Since that moment under the tree, I made a commitment to myself to prioritise what I’ve called, ‘Kirsty Soul Space’. I’ve written it on a whiteboard in my bedroom and written down 4 things I need to experience for ME weekly (which don’t cost any money), and 2 things fortnightly that do require a financial investment.
And since then, I have felt inner happiness and energy return each week. And each time I’ve noticed such leaves, I’ve seen myself in them just a little less. This weekend on a drive through the Adelaide Hills, I noticed a bush that was healthy and thriving and essentially pushing out old branches and leaves with holes. I smiled. That’s exactly how I felt.
It reminded me that everything takes work. Whatever I’m working on now, for myself or my business or anything, will likely show up in 3 months. Patience and commitment are 2 things I’ve not been historically very good at (at all!) but every week am learning more and more about them.
I share because we are all human and all have physical and emotional and spiritual needs that are constantly moving and changing based on our own values and beliefs and how we are growing as an individual. Maybe we have different responsibilities to how we used to operate when we felt more energised, more free. And that’s ok. What can we do NOW in order to bring ourselves more into alignment with our hearts?
I held onto this little beauty for the entire walk tonight and set her free before heading indoors. It was an honouring of self and growth and love. She was laying on the ground and no longer hanging onto the tree. She had let go of that place that had previously kept her feeling safe to create space for a stronger and healthier leaf to grow.
May we all see and know the tremendous beauty of each moment as it changes. Not holding on, but riding and feeling. May we accept ourselves with honesty and honour ourselves at each step in our story. May we see how right now, we are exactly where we need to be for the growth of our soul.